Rest - Five Minute Friday

I am so blessed to be part of the the Five Minute Friday crew.  Every week my spirit is touched by the bravery and vulnerablility that gets left on the screen and I am so thankful that each week God speaks to me through these amazing and talented women - writers, every one!  Lisa-Jo Baker is our awesome host and I leave you with a gentle enouragement to head on over to her corner of the internet and check it out.

 

 

It has been a trying week, to say the least.  Work has run me ragged and to the point of exhaustion.  My office floor collecting the tears of those who are trying to eke normal out of nothing.    The revolving door keeps spinning and my head spins right along with it as I try and balance the needs and emotions of others.

School work has left me deflated.  Exams looming large, assignments insurmountable.  And then, I try and wrap all of this up and package it differently through a smile and a muttered "we got this" while simultaneously donning the hats of mother, wife and perhaps even zoo keeper. 

A text from daughter goes unanswered because it came while I was flying from one place to the other and the guilt that creeps in over that does nothing to help the anxiety subside.  My son is on March Break and I haven't even taken the time to acknowledge that he may need some entertainment or more of me.  

To top it all off my depression and anxiety that often ebbs and flows with the seasons,  chose this week to make an entrance and I find myself drowning in tears and choking on emotions all the while trying desperately to grasp hope and healing through stolen moments with Him.

Is it any wonder then that this morning's screeching alarm brought with it a migraine that seemed as big as Florida and with my head pounding and nausea rolling turbulent I still went to work because I was needed.  Sitting in my office in the dark with my head down on the desk my supervisor comes by and ushers me to the door.  Sleep it off he said and come back this afternoon.

Frustrated at my failure and even more so at the tears that threaten yet again, I pull up my jacket and head for home and the comfort of my bed and the pillow that will hopefully take the brunt of the pain. 

And through all of this I was reminded today of a familiar passage - one said over and over at funerals but never really to the living and I realized the gift of rest I was given today.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
 He restores my soul...  (Psalm 23 1-3a)

He makes me to lie down in green pastures - and I read that again and felt the anxiety leak out my toes and I unclenched my fist and my jaw and allowed the still waters of His Spirit to settle over me. 

While I don't relish the horrible weeks - and this one was particularly horrible - I cling to the fact that He is my shepherd guiding me and leading me to where I need to be in every moment of the day. And even the headaches and the mental illness have ways of brining me closer to Him.  

So as the headache slips from behind my eyes I cling to His promises...

He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[in the house of the Lord
Forever. (Psalm 23:3b-6)

AMEN - So much AMEN!