I wrote about fear just yesterday. About its visciousness and its feral bite. And I am often wrapped in fear that strangles and chokes. Fear that has me always second guessing, always rethinking, always self-doubting
Oh, I have a lot of bravado, a lot of humour (at least I think I do), and a lot of chest puffed, stand up straight, "I'm a-Okay." But really beneath the surface, beneath the frenetic of bravado there is a river of fear that rages wildly through my belly, that brings me circling back, again and again and yes even AGAIN to my doubt.
And bravado? It's not really a good thing, this "chin-up" mentality. It leaves us stranded and alone and coming back to the place of fear, circling around our mistakes and failures and in some analytical way we try and undo what's already been done. We live ours lives in the past and the dreamland of "I can fix this" a form of organized chaos.
What if? What if we could crack ourselves open and lay bare our souls? What if we could unzip our hearts and let our fears see the light of day? What if we could find our way clear through the raging waters of doubt to see that God has given us people as a life raft? What if we could see that aunthenticity is a two way street? A posture of knee bending grace not only when our friends need a steady ear or a freverent prayer but the knee bending lament that our own souls crave. Why do we come so easily into other people's heartbreak to lend a voice, an ear, a hug and yet very rarely, if at all, release ourselves to the ministry of others?
I know for me, the past often dictates my future and my past has been a battleground where hopes and dreams lay in bloody ruins from the sharpened rapiers of other's actions and words. But to watch true authenticy, this give and take, where God is doing all the giving and the taking and we are but open vessels? It is a marvel and a dream that beats like a heartbeat inside of my chest.
And I read it in Romans just this week - in one of the three chapters that I'm memorzing "I thank my God for all of you through Jesus Christ because your faith is being reported all over the world." (Romans 1: 8). And it dawned on me - these people in my life that walk beside me whether in person or on the other side of this screen - they are God's purpose for me to learn authenticity - to learn the value of give and take and to give again. Their faith is what brings me back to the shore of soul-saving grace.
They are God's pathways out of a life of fear. Fear of failure, fear of abandonment and fear of messing up. YOU - yes you reading this, are God's whisper to a weary soul that I am His, that I am cherished and that I need not fear.
***Linking-up with Lisa-Jo Baker today. This was a tough one, but I loved every minute of the 5 (okay maybe 7) that I spent on it.***